That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
