3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
