i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
