areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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