Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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