i need an iv and a liver transplant
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
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