Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
