; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
