last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize