Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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