I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
You are the jesus of drinking
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
