I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
