He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
