How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
