Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
