Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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