Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
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