I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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