I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
