If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
