I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
