Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
