Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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