bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
