Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize