he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
