Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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