shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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