Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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