Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
