You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
That accounts for only three of the penises
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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