He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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