I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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