I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
