did you get engaged???
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
