who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
