i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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