I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
