Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
