I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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