my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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