I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If I die, sorry about rent.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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