ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
