why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
