I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
