i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
