sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
