Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
