I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
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