At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
