Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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