Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
