1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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