dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
