): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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