I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
