im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
