Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
wanna go halves on a baby?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
