I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
