you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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