I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
