A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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