did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
