She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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